Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Death of Slow Internet

Once upon a time, there was an extremely slow internet. It wasn't one of those internets that people say are slow, but are actually relatively fast in comparison to others', no, this internet belonged in the "slow internet" class. Sadly, however, he did not ever go to the "slow internet" class, because his parents abandoned him as a child. They were truly, and rightfully, ashamed at how slow he was. He did not go to school, which made him slower all the more.

One sunny day, as the heavens radiated their blueish beams and the birds chirped in harmonious anthem, Slow Internet wandered outside. It was the first time in a month he had wandered outside. He stared dumbly at a tree for the rest of the day.

The next day came, and he noticed that he was still outside, staring at a tree. He was not lost in thought; his thoughts were simply lost. Forgetting to find them, he moved on, and found his way to a dark forest. His feet not knew how to stop, always pressing forward through thistle and thicket, thorn and briar. He came to a great cliff, its majestic walls climbing the sides of a canyon spanning the width of the valley to which he was born.

It was at this moment that I met Slow Internet. I looked into his eyes, and saw nothing. There was no existence, no life, no good to mankind in this burdenous being, and there never would be. I pushed Slow Internet into the abyss, and watched as he fell to his swift and painless death. In a way, it was his greatest moment, the quickest he had ever moved.

This was the day that Slow Internet died.

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